Sugar daddy

An older man with money who supports a younger lover with gifts, trips or an allowance, in exchange for company, affection and sex.

A sugar daddy is an older man with money who supports a younger lover: dinners, trips, rent, gifts, sometimes a monthly allowance, in exchange for company, affection and sex. The younger man is his sugar baby, or, in older gay slang, his kept boy. The word is about the money as much as the age gap. A daddy is a type you fancy; a sugar daddy is a man who pays.

It is not always cynical. Some arrangements are cold deals, some are real relationships where one partner simply has more, and plenty sit somewhere in the middle. The joke is that everyone knows which one it is except, sometimes, the two men involved.

Where it comes from

Sugar daddy is American and goes back to the early 20th century. Green's Dictionary of Slang finds it in 1917: "You're plainly a fool to think that man will be your lover and sugar daddy forever". Sugar here is the sweetness of money and gifts, and daddy is the older, providing man. From the start it was used for straight couples, an older man and a younger woman, but the same arrangement between men was common enough that Green's records the gay use too, and gay men have used it for generations.

Gay life gave the setup its own flavor. In the decades when two men could not live together openly, an older man could take a younger one on as a secretary, a lodger or a "nephew", and everyone in the know understood.

How it is used today

Today the word lives in three places. In everyday talk it is a joke: anyone who picks up the bill is "my sugar daddy" for the evening. On the apps it is a profile category, with men advertising themselves as generous or looking for one, and dedicated sugar dating sites making the deal explicit. And in porn and fantasy it is a role, close to the daddy and the silver fox, with the boy playing the grateful, spoiled younger lover.

The younger man in the picture is often cast as a twink or a himbo, pretty and not too curious about the source of the money. That is a stereotype, and so is the older man as a lonely wallet. The reality is usually two adults who know what they are trading.

Sugar daddy or daddy

A daddy is an older, confident, often masculine man you are attracted to, whether he has money or not. A sugar daddy may or may not be your type: what defines him is that he pays. Plenty of men are both. Plenty of daddies would be offended to be mistaken for the other kind, and a few would be flattered. A chaser of older men is not the same thing either: he wants the man, not the money.

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