Pillow princess

A partner, usually a bottom, who lies back and receives pleasure in bed without giving much in return.

A pillow princess is the guy who lies back and lets it all happen to him. He receives, he enjoys, he makes appreciative noises, and he does very little else: no blowjob in return, no switching positions, no effort beyond arranging himself on the pillows. Among gay men it almost always means a bottom, though a lazy top can earn the title too.

The tone ranges from affectionate teasing to real complaint. Some men claim it happily, the way you might admit to loving breakfast in bed. Others use it as a warning about a hookup that felt like doing all the housework while he watched.

Where it comes from

The phrase started in lesbian slang, where it describes the partner who prefers to receive rather than give, and Green's Dictionary of Slang still files it under that label. Gay men borrowed it the way we borrow most good insults, and it fits neatly beside other royal titles of the bedroom like queen and size queen. Nobody has pinned down exactly when it crossed over.

Pillow princess or power bottom

They are opposite ends of the bottom spectrum. A power bottom takes charge from below, sets the pace and works for it. A pillow princess waits to be served. Between them sits the bossy bottom, who does not move much either but tells you exactly what to do.

The perfect match, everyone agrees, is the service top: a man whose favorite thing is making his partner feel good will not mind at all that his partner just wants to feel good. Problems only start when two pillow princesses meet, and nobody does anything at all.

How it is used today

On the apps it turns up both as a self-description and as a dealbreaker. "Not into pillow princesses" in a profile is a polite way of saying that participation is expected. A man who writes "pillow princess, sorry not sorry" is being honest, and honesty about what you want is never a bad thing in bed.

Related terms